The shame of taking Anti Depressents

Sometimes superheroes need help

I have battled with PTSD and now I am in the trenches of PND with crippling anxiety attacking from the side. Things I have been able to do for nearly 3 years suddenly floor me and keep me up at night. The nursery run, putting the boys to bed on my own, Greg coming home late or his shift changing. I have been lucky to have some amazing support from friends and family who take Elijah to help me out. However there is only so much someome can do. I was still miserable and on the verge of a breakdown. I wasn't sleeping. I would cancel plans and isolate myself rather than face the anxiety of seeing people with the boys. I couldnt even face taking them to the shops or on the bus. I made everything my fault. My failure. As much as I didn't want to admit it I knew I had to go back on my medication. Something that I had given up a long time ago. There was a sense of failure that I had to go onto meds to get through the day. To be a mother to the boys I chose to have. My relationship with anti depressents has changed with me, resentment, guilt, anger, abuse, need but finally acceptance. I should not be ashamed. There should be no stigma. What works, works. No one should judge others because they are on anti depressents. We should be open and be able to talk about them without feeling like they are our dirty little secret society has made us feel they are.

So, to begin to combat the perceptions; my name is Vicki, mum of two and I am unashamedly on anti depressents.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/01/antidepressants-work-shame-people-ssri?CMP=fb_gu

#pnd #antidepressents #stigma #mentalhealth #nicumum #honestconfessions #parentlife

Comments

Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Elijah the heart hero never letting anything stop him. Today is your 4th heart day. It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery. It seems to have crept up on us again. Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day. Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years. The answer is I don't think I ever will. I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you. To either save or take your life. That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again. I held you as they put you to sleep. They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time. That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the

The time Fajita night resulted in having a baby in a bath.

The newest Cockerill Do you all remember my ever so optimistic natural birth plan? You can read it here. However, spoiler alert, it didn’t happen. What did happen was something no one was expecting. Wednesday the 5 th July… a mundane sort of day spent cleaning the house and doing the weekly shop. With Greg going back to work the next day I was determined to make sure everything was ready for when this baby arrived! I was three days off my due date and still hadn’t had one single sign this baby was imminently coming. I had been receiving messages from quite a few people asking if baby was here yet. I was getting fed up as everything I had tried to induce labour failed miserably and every morning for the last two weeks I woke up disappointed I wasn’t in labour! I gave up, walking didn’t help, pineapple made me sick and I was beginning to tire of the raspberry leaf tea. This baby was staying put. In the evening I put Elijah bed, and we began to settle down for the eveni

The one with Elijah's heart surgery.

We were back. April 22-28 2015, a year ago this weekend. In just two short weeks since we last went down to London. We had to go down the day before and check in and have another blood test. As all of the forms had been signed last time, we were out again within an hour or so. Back to the same family accommodation, in a different room and with a lot less luggage. Something felt different this time, although I didn't want to believe it was going ahead in the event it was cancelled again, deep down I knew it would be. The morning of the surgery I knew how I would feel as we had been through this all before. I didn't want to go out for a meal so we ate in the hotel room watching ch5 rubbish after Elijah went down in the travel cot. Its odd that through the whole pre admission, cancelled op and the actual operation I can remember what shit we watched on TV and what we ate for tea that night. One of those weird things that just sticks in your head. Sort of like when you rememb

Vicki Cockerill - NICU MUM Blog

Search This Blog