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Showing posts from August, 2017

A letter to all toy brand merchandisers

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To All Toy Brand Merchandisers,

Firstly I will start of by saying well done on doing such a good job of indoctrinating my very impressionable child and thus bankrupting me. Your programmes are like crack to my child who obviously needs every piece of plastic tat you put on the market. He even wants to s**t in the pot you designed which is 5 times the price of the one I was going to get in Poundland, kudos to you.

However, I need you to clear a few things up for me. Why is it that all the male characters are on boy merchandise and do not feature any female ones? Try explaining that to an overactive e numbered up to the eyeballs toddler who wants to know why Skye isn't on his cup that I have bribed him with half way round during the weekly shop.

Why is it we gender label everything? Why is it Micky is for boys and Minnie for girls? Why can't girls wear Spiderman T Shirts? Why are girls supposed to like sparkles and princesses and boy’s aggressive violent superheroes? Which are …

A letter to my post-natal depression

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I am ashamed  to see you again.
I thought we went our separate ways a long time ago.
I paid my dues, letting you taint the first 18 months of my first son’s life.
Now, here you are once again as I embark as a new mother of two.
I feared you, and what you would do to me again.
You overwhelmed me.
You consumed me.
You changed me, I didn’t recognise myself anymore.
You scared me, and from the look in his eyes of how I was acting, and what I was saying you scared my partner too.
There was so much darkness in me.
You made me resent my own children.
You made me believe I couldn’t cope, that I was a failure.
You had convinced me I was a rubbish mother.
You manipulated me, and controlled me.
I didn’t sleep because of you.
I wasn’t eating because of how you made me feel.
You made me feel like I couldn’t face anyone.
You got your way and isolated me, you had me to yourself.
You trapped me.
You made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love not even my own children’s.
You constructed fantasies of me leaving my …

Peacocking the packed lunch

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Action stations everyone. Elijah needs a packed lunch for the next two weeks while the nursery chef is off.

Now, to some that may not seem like a big deal right? Chuck a sandwich and some Mini Chedders in and away you go.

No, no, no it is so much more than that in the age of the peacocking packed lunch.

It's all about healthy, break the budget organic teeny tiny portioned toddler snacks. It's about alternative quinoa crisps that taste like cardboard. What the hell was wrong with a Dairylea Lunchable I ask you?

It is though there is now a direct link between the quality of your kid's packed lunch to your parenting ability.

Jam sandwich today compared to Timmy's wholegrain rotisserie chicken and organic tomatoes? You shoddy parent. Is that a Penguin? A PENGUIN??? Irresponsible parenting. You mean to say you sent your child in with a whole piece of fruit? Not sliced into tiny completely uniform sticks? I am calling social services. You bloody monster.

You cannot just wha…

Are we too easily offended?

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Do you need to give birth to be a “real woman”. The short answer? No.
Serena Williams faced a social media crucifying this week when she said in a magazine interview that she was excited to give birth as she would feel like a “real woman”. A slight poor choice of words which many took offence to and didn't hesitate to let her know by barraging her via social media channels. 
I am speculating here but I do not think she meant this as an insult to women. To those who cannot have children or choose not to. Does this make them any less of a woman compared to someone who has had children? Of course not.  When I gave birth did I feel any more of a woman compared to my pre child self? No, it made me a mother but no more of a woman. The same principle applies that you do not have to have given birth to be a mother.
Put very crudely, women were meant to carry and bear children. This was their biological design, to help carry on the human race. In this day and age there are so many more fa…

Harlow's one month update

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It is a week late (obvs) but here are the main observations of Harlow's first month. I have also been keeping a post partem diary which will hopefully be revealed soon. Keep your eyes peeled 👀
The monkey is damn right chunky. He is a mini @gregcockerill. Not had him weighed for a couple of weeks (sorry kiddo) but he is nearly out of newborn clothes.
We have not lost too much hair ATM but he does look like he has a tiny toupee circa Neil Diamond.
So far we have been pretty lucky with Harlow waking up roughly twice at night and around the same time. Bet I have jinxed it now but we do have a rough routine.It's not fun knowing that in a hour after the night feed your toddler will be up demanding food and Fireman Bastard Sam and his damn right catchy theme tune.
You forget how funny a newborn cracking off is.
The baby voice returns almost instantly.
The elation is real when they start stretching their feeds out longer than every 1 1/2 hours. We average 3/4 atm.
You become accumst…

Survival tips when your flying solo...

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Whether you have one, two, three or six small humans that belong to you, there will come a time where you have to ride the frankly terrifying ride of parentdom alone. Here are a few observations/ tips you can use for your own survival! 
1. Expect to be attached to a small human for 90% of the day. Sack of any plans to achieve anying other than perhaps having enough time to poo before the screaming begins again. Bonus points if you get to wipe before you're interrupted by the wailing limpet or invading toddler. I mean who doesn't like an audience? 
2. What you plan to shower or bath? HAHAHA. Unless you time it very well this is not going to happen. My advice? Wet wipes, dry shampoo and deodrant ALOT of deodrant. 
3. Pack a Bear Grylls worthy survival bag if you dare venture outside. You cannot have enough wipes and clothes everything will be covered in sick, shit and piss before you have even left the house...Ahhh the day light it burns...
4. Get confident identifying various …

Are we oversharing?

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It seems to be a bit of a hot topic currently that we are oversharing photos of our children across social media. Or ‘sharenting’ as it has become known as.Which to me sounds like something you do as a teenager up the rugby field after too much Frosty Jacks. Cor, did you hear about Lisa? She let Craig give her a good ol’ sharenting at the weekend.As a parent blogger, and avid follower of many others I do not think twice about how natural it is for parents today to share photos of their children on their profiles. There has been a small revolution occurring in the last few years, one that has changed how we see modern parents and that is the honest accounts of parenting. Not a set up scene, or a paper of the cracks façade but a real-life insight into what we all go through every single day. This has redefined the out of reach social expectations we have been so used to in yester years, or the ridiculous notion we should not share our struggles and suffer in silence. It is standard to a…